Tag Archives: death

Death is gain

Posted on July 8, 2012 | Leave a comment

Yesterday, Saturday, I spent all day on a boat. It was hot and sunny. It was a perfect day to spend on a boat with friends. We went tubing. We swam. We barbecued burgers and brauts. We laid out in the sun. We walked around in the shallows. We watched fireworks over head at night. I got home late and slept like a rock. It was a good day.

Today I went to church. I love going to church. We went to lunch afterwards. I had an omelette. Then we spent the afternoon lounging around a pool. I spent the day with good friends. We discussed church, the Holy Spirit, beer and our weeks. “That’s what I love about Sundays.” This was a great weekend. Good friends, good times, good weather.

Tonight I visited the hospital. My grandpa’s in room 4775. The same hospital I was born in. Some of my cousins and my aunt were there too. After a few minutes my dad and stepmom got there too. It was a party in grandpa’s room. My cousins left, my aunt left, my dad and stepmom left. Soon it was just grandpa and me. I love sitting with him and talking with him. He has amazing stories. I can’t remember a time in my 33 years that I haven’t been fascinated by his stories.

As he shared his stories, he also shared with me the pain he was in and his thoughts. He believes in God. Very much so. He asks God’s forgiveness regularly and acknowledges he will sin again. He believes God helps him sometimes when he prays. He doesn’t believe in heaven or hell. He believes when you die you rot. That’s it. As I listened I thought, if this is it, what’s the point?

I don’t know if the Bible is all true. I don’t know if anything I believe is true. I hope it is. I have faith the Bible is true. But it’s not called faith because we can prove it. So I decide to believe it. I have to. And here’s what I’ve figured out…

Paul was right. To die is gain. It has to be. Or at least that’s what I’ll tell myself everyday until then. Because if this life is as good as it gets (and I do enjoy my life), I don’t think I can go on. So I will tell myself that to die is gain. Because there’s got to be something better than this.

I love the sunsets and sunrises. I love a child’s laugh. I love the warm embrace of a good friend. But in the end, we all die alone. And I believe, if God is good, he meant us for something greater than this. There has got be a heaven… because I need there to be. I just can’t believe that this is all we’re made for.

“Where, O death, is your victory?
Where, O death, is your sting?” (1 Corinthians 15:55)

Death should be no scary thing.
Death has no victory.
Death has no sting.

With Christ, death is transformed from terror to sweet relief. Yes, to die must be gain. When I die I will not rot. When I die, I will live.

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Mom’s Day

Posted on May 9, 2010 | Leave a comment

I didn’t know home was a person. But then I felt homeless.
I don’t think home is a person. But it’s been seven short years since I’ve heard the voice of home.
When will I be free? From these chains of misery.
On this day of remembrance, this day of celebration, all I want to do is go Home.
This is not my home. Nor is she. But she is there.
Most times I miss her in the fall. Most times I’d rather be there. But today I just wish she was here.
Today, I wish I could hear her. I wish I could hear the voice from home.
I love you. I’m so proud of you. I hope you can see me.

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Storms of Life

Posted on June 27, 2007 | Leave a comment
For those of you who don’t know. My grandma died this morning. I wrote this this afternoon…

It’s muggy outside. I can hear the thunder cracking in the distance. The storms are finally rolling in.
It’s dry inside. We’ve seen the hard times coming from the distance. The storm has finally rolled in.

It’s raining inside.
I see the lightning outside; flashes of light in the darkness of the storm.
I see the Light shining inside; flashes of love in the darkness of uncertainty and the pain of life.
There’s a flash outside and then the light’s out inside. All that I depended on is gone and what is left is the lightning.
Maybe this is how we were meant to see. In the storms of life He gives us strobes of light to walk by. Perhaps He’s teaching us how to live like Him and love like Him. Perhaps if we saw the storm in it’s entirety we might lose heart and falter. Perhaps we are to walk by His Light instead of ours.

It’s raining outside.
I see the rain outside; drops of life in the darkness of the storm.
I see the tears inside; drops of love in the darkness of death.
There’s rain inside and then the rain stops outside. All that I feared is gone and what is left is the sun.
Maybe this is how we were meant to live. In the storms of life He gives us drops of life to drink in. Perhaps He’s teaching us how to live like Him and love like Him. Perhaps if we faced the storm all at once we might drown. Perhaps we are to drink in His life instead of ours.

My God, we need the rain. The ground is so dry and our hearts are so parched.
My God, my God, let the rain fall. Fill it with your life. Let us be soaked in your life and let it drip onto those we touch.
My God, I need the rain. I am thirsty for your love and I yearn to drink it in.
My God, they need the rain. Their hearts are dry and beaten and hard. Soften them with the rain of your love. Give me streams of water to let flow into the desert of their pain.
My God, we need the rain. Let your rain fall and relieve us of this mugginess. Soften us with your rain.
My God, we need your love. I feel the cool breeze of relief. It’s flowing from outside into my heart. 

Let me breathe it in. Let me soak it in. Let me breathe it out. Let me exhale You. Let them feel the coolness of the storm’s breeze. Let them feel the relief. Let them feel your breath. Let them feel your love. (Let them feel your breath of life.)

Give us what we need to whether the storm. Give us strobes of the light of your grace. Give us the rain to soften our parched throats. Give us the thunder of pain and the echo of its end. Give us the breeze of relief to carry us to the coolness of your presence. Give us the streams of your love in these tears. Give us your Son.

Last Summer when we framed her for pigging out on a HUGE banana split. :)

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Four Years gone by…

Posted on November 14, 2006 | Leave a comment

Four years gone by like a breathe on summer breeze.  Seems like another lifetime ago and yet yesterday.  Where did the time go?  Where did I go?  Sometimes I’m glad you’re gone and glad you’re there.  Sometimes I miss those times you were here.  Sometimes I don’t miss you at all, but most times I miss you in the Fall…

To my faithful Mother,

I wish not to read this before you, till peace everlasting has found you.
The race is done, you stayed the course.  No one could prouder be.
And though I cry, ’tis not for you, for you are now at Home.
These tears will fade, but memories won’t, of Love and life and peace.
Falling on a body loved, though now an empty corpse.
I bid you now but long farewell, tho’ permanent ’tis not.
For mine will come, and I’ll be done, and I will see you then.
I pray a faith like yours may grow, post these tears I shed.
These tears will fade, but lessons won’t, of Hope and trust and love.
I thank you now for all you’ve done.
As I know I cannot see, the smile you wear everlong, in dancing, singing, praising, to He.

I still love you.  I will never forget you.  I will see you soon.
So while you’re dancing, smile.
Smile because I’ll see you soon, and save just one for me.

Four years gone by like a whisper on the winter eve.
Shattering the silence, deadened by the warmth in snowflakes.

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